horrordolls:

Uterus: Hey
Me: Yo sup
Uterus: I have dreams. I have ambitions.
Me: …
Uterus: I think it’s important for me to share this with you
Me: are you-
Uterus: I want to be an air guitar
Me: what are-
Uterus: here watch I’m already so good watch
Uterus: *shreds*

52 notes

Anywhere you go is the place I’ll call my home
Painting welcome signs and growing flowers in the lawn
Eating junk and watching trash til the break of the dawn
A gentleman you are, always take me on long walks

(Source: actuallyitsaparasol)

163 notes

thefatgirlblog:

"All these young girls getting themselves pregnant"

Wow, self impregnating teenage girls, these men should be afraid, we as woman are evolving at alarming rates.

222,377 notes