Anywhere you go is the place I’ll call my home
Painting welcome signs and growing flowers in the lawn
Eating junk and watching trash til the break of the dawn
A gentleman you are, always take me on long walks

(Source: actuallyitsaparasol)

134 notes


"All these young girls getting themselves pregnant"

Wow, self impregnating teenage girls, these men should be afraid, we as woman are evolving at alarming rates.

207,580 notes


I have a ‘to-read’ pile as massive as my existential crisis.

25,152 notes

copy and paste yourself into my bed

(Source: samuraimofo)

430,215 notes


So I saw this cute girl going down the street with an amazing ass. I was all “DAMN GIRL, YOU GOT AN AMAZING ASS.” She was like “thanks, there’s a sale across the block, I got him there.” Now I have a pet donkey too, he was five bucks and his name is Leopold. And he hates thunderstorms.

(Source: dave-youfool)

87,451 notes




gotta love knitting needles. i can make a scarf. i can make a hat. i can stab your eyes out. i can make mittens.

What was that middle part?

i can make a hat

194,486 notes



when you refuse to look at your bank account balances and pretend like everything is ok

288,570 notes


*squints* *puts on glasses* *squints some more* *takes out magnifying glass* Ah. Trans representation

(Source: asexualstarlord)

711 notes